A Letter to My Brother

Nic,

                So many thoughts and emotions have crossed my mind and heart over the past 2 weeks. It started with shock. Surely that couldn’t be true. That 5am phone call. It couldn’t be MY brother they were talking about. My baby brother who was so full of life and laughter and energy. Who lit up a room the second he walked in. It couldn’t be him.

                Then almost immediately I was mad. At you. So very mad. How could you do this to us? I was just starting my new career! This emotion didn’t last long…its focus soon turned to me. What could I have done? Did I miss something? How could this happen?

                But mostly I’ve just been sad and heartbroken. I miss you Nic. It’s not fair. You were only 17. I wish there was something someone could have said or done to make you change your mind. But who am I kidding? You were the most stubborn kid I know…once you made up your mind, that was it! I know you didn’t want anyone to mourn your passing, but you were a world changer buddy, impacting every life you crossed. Did you see how many people came to honor you? Dressed like fools?? I hope you liked that!

                I miss you every day. Every freaking day. I’m constantly reminded of you. And I miss you and if I could see you one more time, I would probably punch you square in the gut and then squeeze you with all my might. You have incredible friends Nic and I know you’re so proud of how they’re taking care of Mom and Dad.

                I mostly wrote you this letter to tell you this. In your short  17 years, you impacted more lives than most people impact in 75 years. You will continue to light up the world for many, many years to come. Thank you. Thank you for loving everyone you encountered, and for teaching us to do the same. Thank you for making us laugh. Thank you for bringing back the surprisingly convenient fanny pack (I think you might have been on to something here!). Thank you for reminding us just how valuable every single moment is and to tell each other we matter OFTEN. Thank you for making every day a celebration. Thank you for being the best cone-headed baby brother Brian and I could’ve ever wanted (even if I did try to convince mom to take you back!).

                I miss you often, but I know you’ll never be truly gone. You are a beautiful soul and I know you’re forever with me.

                                         I love you Nic.

                                                                          Love,

                                                                               The best big sister ever :)