A Letter to My Brother

Nic,

                So many thoughts and emotions have crossed my mind and heart over the past 2 weeks. It started with shock. Surely that couldn’t be true. That 5am phone call. It couldn’t be MY brother they were talking about. My baby brother who was so full of life and laughter and energy. Who lit up a room the second he walked in. It couldn’t be him.

                Then almost immediately I was mad. At you. So very mad. How could you do this to us? I was just starting my new career! This emotion didn’t last long…its focus soon turned to me. What could I have done? Did I miss something? How could this happen?

                But mostly I’ve just been sad and heartbroken. I miss you Nic. It’s not fair. You were only 17. I wish there was something someone could have said or done to make you change your mind. But who am I kidding? You were the most stubborn kid I know…once you made up your mind, that was it! I know you didn’t want anyone to mourn your passing, but you were a world changer buddy, impacting every life you crossed. Did you see how many people came to honor you? Dressed like fools?? I hope you liked that!

                I miss you every day. Every freaking day. I’m constantly reminded of you. And I miss you and if I could see you one more time, I would probably punch you square in the gut and then squeeze you with all my might. You have incredible friends Nic and I know you’re so proud of how they’re taking care of Mom and Dad.

                I mostly wrote you this letter to tell you this. In your short  17 years, you impacted more lives than most people impact in 75 years. You will continue to light up the world for many, many years to come. Thank you. Thank you for loving everyone you encountered, and for teaching us to do the same. Thank you for making us laugh. Thank you for bringing back the surprisingly convenient fanny pack (I think you might have been on to something here!). Thank you for reminding us just how valuable every single moment is and to tell each other we matter OFTEN. Thank you for making every day a celebration. Thank you for being the best cone-headed baby brother Brian and I could’ve ever wanted (even if I did try to convince mom to take you back!).

                I miss you often, but I know you’ll never be truly gone. You are a beautiful soul and I know you’re forever with me.

                                         I love you Nic.

                                                                          Love,

                                                                               The best big sister ever :)

THE Nic Pritchard (Mama)

What my mama shared: 


Today was a long day. Thank you to all of the love and prayers. Our family was supported and surrounded by love as we celebrated the life of our sweet Nic Pritchard. Here are the words I shared at the celebration:
Nic's death leaves us with a lot of questions. I don't know the answers.
Here's what I do know....
Nic showed us love in action. He taught us all what friendship means. He showed us that laughter & a smile can always make a difference. 
He gifted us with love and joy and entertainment for 17 years.

Our best gift to him will be to go forward in live sharing those things he did for us...
living life with passion
thinking of other people
including everyone
making others feel special
laugh & Play hard
& dance, not as if no one were looking, but because everyone is looking.

THE Nic Pritchard (Daddy)

This is what my Daddy shared today. Love his willingness to be honest and vulnerable. 

Nic, This is for you, my son. I love you!

To know Nic, was to love Nic. Mischievous, smart, loving, honest, funny, athletic. And don’t forget stubborn, determined, and hard-headed. Nic was a bright shining light. That is how I will remember my son.

His decision to end his life leaves us with so many questions and so few answers. And answers may never come. The truth is… there were no signs. I don’t think anyone who knew Nic would have listed him as someone they thought would commit suicide. On the contrary, all the signs led us all to believe that Nic was excited about his life. 

Questions with no answers.

Juanita and I have told many people on many occasions how FORTUNATE we are to have such awesome kids. We are very, very blessed. Nic’s sister Rachel and brother Brian share many of the same wonderful qualities that Nic expressed. Open, inclusive, nurturing, loving. To Rachel and Brian, thank you for choosing us.

Nic was fortunate to have many strong, loving adults in his life. Aunts, uncles, cousins, ministers, coaches, and teachers. We have often marveled at the good choices our kids made in picking their friends. And Nic was no exception. He has GREAT friends. From the bottom of our hearts, Juanita and I thank you. For your kindness and generosity, but mostly, mostly…for loving our son… and for helping him fulfill his purpose. Please know that our doors are always open to you.

Not only does he have great friends, but he picked friends with great parents. We have been fortunate to become friends with many of them. Thank you all for loving Nic, for encouraging him, coaching him, reprimanding him, and inviting him into his your lives as though he was your own. And thank you for surrounding us with your love and support.

To say that Nic’s decision rocked a lot of people is an understatement. And I’m sure that even at this time, I don’t fully grasp the impact of his life on this community. I look around the room here and see his family, friends, his friends’ parents, our friends, neighbors, co-workers, members of this and several other faith communities, teachers, and school staff. Nic touched a lot of lives! We are so grateful for your support. Words are inadequate to express our deep appreciation; we are truly, truly humbled by your kindness, your care, and your concern.

You have heard some wonderful tributes to Nic. Who he was, what he stood for, and how he changed peoples’ lives. My beliefs are probably a bit different from some of you. I truly believe what the banners in this church say “Many paths, One God”. So if your beliefs are different than mine, I honor you and your beliefs and I hope that you are able to hear me with an open heart. In Unity, we believe that there is only one power in the universe, and that power is God. That God, as Creative Universal Energy is Good, AND everywhere present. My personal belief is that before our spirit enters our body, we choose our lives. We choose our lives in order to learn the lessons of that life and move on toward transcendence and becoming Christ like beings.

I am SO grateful that Nic choose us. And I must tell you that Nic was very determined to enter our lives. At the time he was conceived, Juanita and I were going through a very difficult time. It was not a rosy time in the Pritchard household, so there were very few times he could have joined us, if you get my drift. On top of that, we were using birth control, so…Nic was really determined! He was not a planned child, but he was never, never an unwanted child. I am grateful that Nic choose us.

While the pain of missing him is sometimes almost unbearable, we take some small solace in the idea that Nic realized that his journey in this life was complete; that he fulfilled his purpose, and was ready to move on. This doesn’t take away the pain or the void he left behind, but I know that we must all release him on his journey. So Nic, my son, my teacher…I release you on to your next adventure and wish you Godspeed. I hope I’m lucky enough that our paths cross again.

I want to say a few words about Forgiveness. When someone makes a choice to end their life, all of those around him question what they could have done to reach out and change that decision. I know that many of us are doing just that. We must all remember that this was Nic’s choice. He didn’t reach out to any of us for help, he made a decision, and when Nic made a decision, he was single minded in his direction. He made a decision that his 17 year old brain thought was a good idea. Don’t beat yourself up, there was nothing you could do. And please keep reminding me not to beat myself up, there was nothing I could do. Let us allow forgiveness to fill our lives. Will you do that with me?

There is one thing that is troubling me. How can a 17 year old boy purchase a handgun at 1 o’clock in the morning? Let that sink in. Nic purchased a handgun around 1:00am on the morning he shot himself. Now, I don’t care what your beliefs are about your right to own a gun, the fact that Nic was able to purchase a handgun at 1 am is wrong. Do you know that in this country, we have more regulations on importing bananas than we do on importing guns? Let me say that again. We have more regulations on importing bananas than we do on importing guns. That’s just wrong!

Would more regulations have stopped Nic? Maybe not, but something is messed up when we worry more about bananas than handguns. Right now I am furious at the person who sold him a gun. There is part of me right now that longs to cause pain in that person’s life like the pain I am feeling.

I don’t like this desire that I have for revenge. It is unhealthy, unproductive, and only results in more pain. I will not allow revenge to rule my life. I WILL NOT allow revenge to rule my life! And I hope you won’t allow it to rule yours. One day, I will forgive this person. Not next week or next month, but I will forgive him. I declare that and I own that belief. I hope, I hope, I hope you will too. Please, please…allow forgiveness to fill your hearts.

In our church, we sing the Peace song every Sunday at the close of service. One line in that song is “Let peace begin with me”. Let Peace begin with me. I repeat that line to myself many times a day. Because peace doesn’t start over there somewhere, or in the Middle East, or in Washington. Peace begins with me. Peace begins with me. Will you repeat that with me? Peace begins with me. Breathe. Let’s say that again. Peace begins with me. We will only experience peace in our lives and in our world if we claim peace for ourselves and commit to sharing our peace with the world.

Peace. That’s what Nic wanted; he wanted people to get along. He was a uniter, a peace maker, a kind, gentle loving soul. He’s done that in my life and I know that he’s done that in yours. I beg of you to honor Nic and let Peace begin with you. Peace begins with me. Peace begins with you. Thank you for sharing this incredible journey with us.

THE Nic Pritchard

This is what I shared today at my brother's celebration. 

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to decide what I was going to say when I came up here, and I ‘ll start with this…I look completely ridiculous and I think my brother is loving every minute of it.

My earliest memory of Nic is right after he was born. I can’t guarantee this memory is entirely accurate, but as accurate as a four year old can get. I was so excited for my new baby brother or sister to be born, not because I was excited to meet them, but because I knew that the night they were born I got to spend the night at Aunt Laura’s and that always meant chocolate chip pancakes. We went to the hospital and my daddy took me to meet my baby brother. And I cried and cried and cried. Not tears of joy or excitement. Tears of knowing that the blue blanket meant a boy and I wanted a girl! I would later assure my mom that she could take him back and exchange him for a girl…there were plenty of people who wanted little boys! As we grew up, I’m glad my mom didn’t take the advice of her four year old and exchange him. My brothers and I had our fair share of fights growing up, but I could not have asked for better brothers.

 I think Nic’s goal in life was to keep everyone laughing – and he did it very well. My parents have taught us since we were very young that everyone deserves to be loved, regardless of what other people think of them or how different they are from us. Judging from the stories I’ve heard over the past week, I think Nic truly embodied that. He is his father’s child in that he never met a stranger. So here’s my challenge to you. Many of you are trying to figure out how to honor Nic’s life. I’ll make it simple for you: love everyone. Even those that are hard to love. Even those who are different from you. Even those who you disagree with. Because that’s what Nic did. And celebrate each other frequently. Don’t wait until a time like this. Let people know how important they are in your life.

Many of you have also asked what you can do for our family. Love us, but mostly love my parents. Come visit them. Remind them that they are not alone. Now, more for the sake of us left here than for Nic, I want to read you something from the vision statement of one of my favorite organizations, To Write Love on Her Arms. If you’ve never heard of them, look them up when you get home.

            The vision is that we actually believe these things.

            You were created to love and beloved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you’re part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. Life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you’re not alone in the places you feel stuck.

We all wake to the human condition. We wake to the mystery and beauty, but also to tradgedy and loss. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real, but it is our privilege to suggest that hope is just as real.

You need to know that freedom is possible and that God is still in the business of redemption. We want to say that it’s worth it, your life is worth fighting for.

We believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends and that we would learn to love ourselves.

The vision is better endings. The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead. The vision is that we’re more loved than we’ll ever know. The vision is hope, and hope is real. You are not alone and this is not the end of your story.

So thank you. Every one of you that has come by our house and taken time to come here today. Thank you for being our community, for reminding us that we are not alone and for encouraging us to never give up. Thank you for helping us to make sure that this is not the end of Nic’s story. And one final quote and I’ll sit down:

“Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars. The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope.”