When Thanksgiving Doesn't Feel "Full"

Let me start this by saying I am having a lovely first married thanksgiving with my wife and in-laws. 

But this is not how I usually do thanksgiving. Its not how I grew up doing thanksgiving. It's the first time in 25 years (with the exception of when I was in the Macy's parade in 2005) that I haven't been with my side of the family on thanksgiving. But a traditional Pritchard-family-thanksgiving wasn't in the books this year. 

Even at dinner with my fabulous in-laws, empty chairs are hard to miss. 

Nic never had a chair at their table. My grandparents never had a chair at their table. Tommy never had a chair at their table. 

But oh how I missed them. 

Empty chairs are hard to miss. 

On a day when my social media feeds are filled with lists of what people are thankful for, prompts to "be thankful for the small stuff," reminders that "there's always something to be thankful for." On this day, I'm so thankful for my beautiful wife, my wonderful family, my fantastic friends. But I do not feel full. 

And I know that in this I am not alone. 

I know I have friends walking through heartbreak. 

Family members wrestling with loss. 

There are people with nowhere to go today. 

No food. 

No home. 

So many empty chairs. 

This is not a contest though. This is not a "it could always be worse..." thing. Life is not a contest. Your experience has value, it is not better or worse than mine. It is. 

Maybe instead of pushing, "be thankful for the small things," we can say that it's okay to be both thankful and grieving the loss of what you once knew as normal. It's okay if nothing about today feels thankful to you. 

These holidays often make us more acutely aware of the broken parts of our lives. The things missing. The glitz and the glamour of this season can also make it so much more difficult to say that we are hurting. That we are not okay. 

"We have to fight to remember that “other people exist” (Don Miller quote), that we are surrounded by other people and that each of these other people is living a story and every single story has questions and pain of it’s own. If we only ever think about ourselves and our drama, we will miss the priceless privilege of stepping into the stories around us.

i think we have to fight to not get lost in our own pain. i think we have to fight to remember the good, the things we love around us, the things not lost, the things that we are thankful for. Don’t buy the lie that the story is just a tragedy. And don’t buy the lie that you are the only character in the story." - Jamie tworkowski 

So today I remain thankful. For the losses that have shaped me. For the beautiful year I've had. For my spectacular wife. My wonderful friends. The family that I'm missing so deeply today. 

Because maybe it is possible to be both thankful and broken. Perhaps even thankful for the brokenness. 

Please stay.

And so we choose to stay...

Those words have stuck with me lately. I've watched friends walk through dark times this year. I've acknowledged (I mean celebrated seems like a terrible thing to say) the 3rd anniversary of my brother's death. I've been engaged. And because of this engagement, I've both won and lost friends. But I am eternally grateful for those friends who choose to stay. 

I've watched friends and family enter and leave relationships that weren't serving anyone. 

I've walked with those I love the most to the edge of the darkness. And, above all odds, they choose to stay. 

There are no good things to say about the fact that there is such a thing as World Suicide Prevention Day. The fact that it has to be shouted to the world that MENTAL ILLNESS IS AN ISSUE shakes me to my core. 

It's no wonder so many do not choose to stay. 

When someone tells you that they're hurting, you must listen. And I mean LISTEN. So often we listen to respond. Have you been listening to hear? Really hear? 

Walking along someone with depression or anxiety or any number of "mental illnesses" is not easy. But I speak from experience when I say that it can SAVE A LIFE. 

According to recent statistics, 105 people die by suicde daily. That means that since my alarm went off this morning, the world is now missing 105 beautiful souls. On the day my brother died, 104 other people also left this world of their own choice. 

Why? Why is this still an issue?

WHY AREN'T WE LISTENING WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY ARE HURTING?!

People are different than we are. This world is made up of black, white, gay, straight, trans, male, female, and a million other different things. The fact that we are all different is what makes this beautiful. This is not a race issue. This is not a sexuality issue. This is not a gender issue. This is a PEOPLE issue.

But we have to LISTEN. Listen to people who are different than us. LOVE people who are different than us. 

You don't have to agree with someone to love them. 

You don't have to understand someone to love them.

You don't even have to like someone to love them. 

Love won't fix everything. But it will make a difference. Love people. Walk with them through the hard times. When they apologize for making you "listen to their pointless drama," remind them of their importance; that it isn't pointless. 

Remember that what may seem trivial to you is the world to someone else. 

If you're the one that's hurting, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you know what depression or anxiety or whatever it is feels like. If you're like me and you know what it feels like to lose someone to suicide, I'm sorry. 

If someone has made you feel like you're not worth it, I'm sorry. You are worth it. You are beautiful and fantastic and smell like sunshine. 

It gets better friends. But it's not magic. There's no magic words. No magic pill (although I'm a fan of seeking medical help!). It takes time. There is still some time. Please. Choose to stay. 

Your life is worth living. "You cannot be replaced. There is literally no other person who is living your story today. You are singular. And that is amazing." 

If you or someone you know need help or are in crisis, here are some resources: https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/

Please. 

Choose to stay. 

Above all else, choose to stay. 

"Above all else, we choose to stay. We choose to fight the darkness and the sadness, to fight the questions and the lies and the myth of all that’s missing. We choose to stay, because we are stories still going. Because there is still some time for things to turn around, time for surprises and for change. We stay because no one else can play our part.

Life is worth living.

We’ll see you tomorrow."

I'll see you tomorrow, my friend.